If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
