just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
