I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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