She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
