Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So much rum. So many feels.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
