Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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