The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
