Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
