Nicole vs. Life
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
