I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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