i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
