would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
