haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
