Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
