Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
