wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
