she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
