No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
