i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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