Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
