So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
