i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
