Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
