I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
