so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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