i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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