When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
