You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
