wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
