I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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