i may or may not be watching the land before time
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
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like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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