I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
