he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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