I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
