i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
