But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
