Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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