Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
