butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
