hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
