If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
