I should be sponsored by Trojan
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
