make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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