the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
