I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
