i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
