The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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