im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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