you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize