You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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