the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
