yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
