Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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