i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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