bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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