Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
