put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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