my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
