i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
