I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
