I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize