Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
