That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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