I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
