so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
