i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
