and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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