Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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