ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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