That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
