If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
