just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
