YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
