I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
