just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
