i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
