her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
