did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
