I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
