she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
