I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
