I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
