We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
