Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
