Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
