I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sorry about my life...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
