remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
