Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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