hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
