She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
they need to just BURY HIM!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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