he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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